Dying

Hello, human.

I hope you find this writing just in time of your needs.

About last week, I was quite into one song (or two..), it was John Frusciante - Dying. I found it randomly on Youtube. He is ex-guitarist of Red Hot Chilli Peppers, you must at least know the band, right? This song made me more melancholic than usual. Here is the link: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZpYuNMxFYA

Then, the universe brought me into one hell of coincidence. There was my friend laying comma in hospital. Got a stroke, some said. Finally, after having his ups and downs within a week, he died. I hope he died peacefully. I am sure he did.

So, the death made me thinking, contemplating. Sure, death happens anytime, anywhere. It is coming to anyone, without mercy. It is a very usual event. But, it felt so goddamn different when it happened to your relatives. I came to his grave, hours right after he was buried.

The feeling was something like this: 

He's only 6 feet below the surface. You can still sense his presence, his aura, somebody might say. It feels like you just stepped on his body--his leg, or arm. It doesn't feel right, but it is happening. So close, yet so far. 

And there goes my friend, one of the most kind and polite person I have ever know. The flashback began. I wasn't his close friend though, but we had have a quartet touring and it was enough for me to remember a person perfectly as he/she was.

Slowly, the feeling faded as I walked out the cemetery. I thought it was over until I looked back, and saw the view of a simple pathway in the middle of tombstones.

This is the real farewell. 

I made myself standing still for a second. I captured that view so that I could repeat the farewell. A pathway, asphalt one, decorated by bushes and trees, laying there in the middle of vast cemetery.

Farewell again, my kind Arief Nur Ihsan!

Then, I remember the song I have told you above. Maybe it feels right to be "sang" back there.

Quoting from John Frusciante's:

I'm going away, forever,I'm going away, forever,Never coming back this way,Never coming back to this place.What I need is a heaven,What I really need is a heaven,A place to go where I can really be,A place to go where I can really beWhere I can really be.Dreaming my life away, counts for nothing,Dreaming my life away, counts for nothing,But nothing ever is the end,No, nothing ever is the end.It's sure been a full life for me, babyIt's sure been a full life for me, yeahhIt's sure been a full life for me, baby, its sure been a full life for me

That's it, Dying.

The Path We Chose and How to Deal With It

Hello, Humans.

Have you ever been indecisive? Have you ever been in a situation of which you found it so hard to make a decision? Or, I bet you have ever compare the decision you were taking to another which you didn't take. $1 on me, please, if you answer any of these questions in "Nope". We're just human, anyway.

We're just human anyway. It's natural to have doubt, insecurity, overthinking, or discontent. We're no saint.

One day, I watched a movie so good I would remember the lesson to my deathbed. It was Mr. Nobody (2009), played by Jared Leto. Yeah, Jared Leto is an actor, too. But, don't you dare to imagine him having his 30 Seconds to Mars live performance style in the movie. It ain't gonna happen.

Off the topic.

Well, I will review the movie on my other website, coming soon (please visit caffeinated which is still under development). Overall, this movie was astonishing. It really banged my concept of decision making. Here is the most memorable quotes from the movie:

"Every path is the right path. Everything could've been anything else. And it would have just as much meaning."

--Nemo, Mr. Nobody (played by Jared Leto)

Nemo said it wholeheartedly in his last days. I guessed, in instant way of thinking (and perception), this might crush the common paradigm of decision making. I mean, we've been taught at least one that we have to weight the pros and cons, the advantages and disadvantages of choices, of paths. If every path is the right path, why bother ourselves in confusion when we face crossroads? Why bother ourselves if every path that we take could have just as much meaning?

Crossroad on vast farm-like field with a grey sky. Whoa, this caption tells everything.

Sadly, it didn't work that way.

But this quotes means a lot for us who always feel dissatisfaction of our paths. Of our jobs, partners, houses, or even majors. We're human, Homo sapiens (none of us is Homo neanderthalensis, right?). It's in our gene to desire more and more. That's what had developed our civilizations.

So, I dare to say: Whichever the path that we take, we would feel ungrateful eventually. There is always a "better" path. You would still feeling ungrateful if you always looked up the sky. So, chill the fuck out. Stop looking up the sky continuously. Even the sky has starts above itself.


Every path is the right path. Don't let anybody judge us for the path we take. We can always find happiness and meaning within our paths. Maybe your happiness didn't rely on the salary or the company's name. Maybe it relied on your loose working pressure, or your plenty of free times. Maybe your happiness didn't rely on the major. Maybe it relied on the people you met in that major.

There is always something you can dig. Something you have to find beneath or at the end of the path. I know, it's kind of justification.

But, sometimes, in your worst days, positive justifications are the only things you can hold to stay "alive".

A woman with black coat and fishing hat. Her umbrella is opened up.

Then, what should we do?

Be grateful for our life. Being unfortunate is completely something else compared to your daily grumbles. 

Search for meaning(s). Make justifications for your rainy days. Keep going on.



Have a nice day, Fellow Humans!

Thoughts & Words

Hello, Humans.

I hope you're not bot, otherwise our world had been overtaken by Skynet (which is my worst nightmare of apocalypse scenario).

Well, I'm Akbar (akbjf). An engineer. I read books, I watched weird movies. I also traveled, sometimes. Have those already made me an ideal image of social media user stereotype? Guessed it yes.

During my years of service in this graceful life, I often think about anything. So, sometimes, I wrote my ideas. Mostly I did not. But, because my strong Javanese mind, I was triggered by these traditional proverb:

"As a knight, one shall has these five things: A home, a woman, a horse, a bird, and a knife"

The term "bird" here might be anything but we can not enjoy. We can say it "hobby", though it's a little bit a quite generalized term. 

This is so far a Bird. Obviously, idiot. Why do you even need a caption for it?

I like to think about anything. Any goddamn thing. I even think about how Radiohead could make such musics. Somehow, I think it might be a good thing for me to share my thoughts which usually been justified as uncommon, weird, or stupid by my friends. This brain. I did not believe I have a smart brain with high IQ. I presumed it's a complicated one. Complicated stuffs are better to be shared, right? So I make this blog to show the world my thoughts through words. Yeah, I also make this to fulfill the requirements of Javanese knight. A bird (curiga, Javanese).

I hope you can find something you want to seek, my precious visitor-counter-contributor.

Good day for you, Fellow Humans.